"Do Not Be Dismayed, For I Am Your God..."

As I move into the New Year, I feel that it's necessary to look back on this past one; 2015 definitely wins for being the year with the most change.  As most of you know, at the end of August I moved to San Salvador, El Salvador with a program called Global Year.  The goal of our time here is to learn Spanish and cultivate a passion for Christ within ourselves, and in turn, disciple someone in hopes of cultivating that same passion for Christ in them.

Prior to the move, I had all of these expectations of what the year would hold.  I imagined myself flourishing in my new surroundings, picking up the language with ease, and being unplagued by desires of returning home.  This was far from reality.

Within my first week of being in El Salvador, I was confused why God had brought me here and how He was going to use a little white English-speaking girl like me.  I wish I could say that I know the answer to that question now, but I don't.

This past year has been hard.  I've been stretched in ways I didn't know were possible.  For example, while most of my friends are experiencing life on their own for the first time, I am subjected to the authority of 3 young adults, no older than the age of 25; and many times, I don't agree with their decisions or rules.  I have never been so monitored and had so little liberties in my life.  Also it is my desire to disciple young girls, but those opportunities are stunted by my lack of Spanish.  I find myself often thinking that I would be much more useful back in the States, where there isn't a language barrier.

Much of this year, has felt like ramming my head into a brick wall in hopes of somehow moving it, even just an inch.  So many of my prayers come back down to this one question, "God what am I doing here?" When will I see His hand in all of this? When will I feel like I'm being affective to the furthering of His Kingdom?  I just seem to be waiting for Him to answer.

Then last night during the New Year's service, Emma (one of my teammates) and I, were passing around a basket filled with different verses for the congregation to meditate on as we transitioned into the New Year.  At the end, I plucked a little slip of paper from the pile.  I unfolded it to find Isaiah 41:10.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  - Isaiah 41:10

Dismayed: sudden or complete loss of courage; utter disheartenment.

Praise God for being sovereign!  Dismayed.. there is no better word to describe my state these last few months.  My questions and confusions over this past year had built up and clouded my mind and heart, stripping me of my confidence that God had brought me here and was using me in His divine plan.  But this verse, these two short sentences, shatters all of those fears and conquers my disheartenment.

Does it answer all of my questions?  Nope, not at all.  But the promises in this verse give me the strength to trust my God, and gives me the power to be obedient to His commands in my life. The 'righteous right hand of God' is upholding me!  He personally is promising to strengthen and help me!   This leaves no room for fear or dismay.  These words are what I want to be my source of energy for this year.

Reader, I don't know where you are.  I don't know what you are going through.  But cling on to these promises.  Again, they might not answer your questions but know that God is with you and is strengthening you.

God Bless

Living in El Salvador has affected the way I learn of international tragedies.   We only have wifi a few times a week so I was extremely confused when I got on the internet this morning to see hundreds of posts and news articles about the attacks in Paris.  So this afternoon, I spent a lot of time searching for information on what exactly occurred.  As my knowledge on the tragedy increased, so did the heaviness in my heart.  

I watched videos of people screaming and running from the concert hall.  I listened to the testimonies of victims.  And I read news articles describing the attacks in detail.  I'm aching for the people of Paris and my spirit cries out for justice.  

Oh People of God, get on your faces.   Pray that the Lord works in this tragedy.  Pray that Jesus gives us His heart, so that we can appropriately respond to these terrorists.  Because in all honesty, I'm angry and I feel that if anyone is deserving of Hell, it's people such as these.  But then the Lord reminds me that I was just as deserving as them.  I was a sinner in need of a savior just like them.  And it's only by God's grace that I have been saved.  

Pray that people turn to Jesus during this catastrophe.  People are confused and scared.  All around the world, people have been reminded of their mortality.  Pray that the Lord stirs questions in their hearts and that Christians everywhere are boldly proclaiming the gospel. 

And my brothers and sisters in Christ, remember who our God is...

God is so much mightier than any terrorist group:

"God shall arise, his enemies shall be scattered; and those who hate him shall flee before him!"

-Psalms 68:1

God is our fortress:

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea."

-Psalms 46:1-2

God is trustworthy:

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

-Psalms 20:7

God loves justice:

"Leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repays, says the Lord.'"

-Romans 12:19

God desires that EVERYONE comes to know Him: 

"This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." 

-1 Timothy 2:3-4

I'm aware that I am young and the last person qualified on how to respond to such a tragedy, but these words that I have written are not from my heart.  They come solely from the Word of God.  Trust me, if you were to read about MY opinions and feelings about these attacks, it would be much different.  Friends, run to Jesus. 

Growth Doesn't Come From Comfort

Hey there readers!

So sorry I haven’t written in a while.  My team started all of our ministries about 3 weeks ago, and that, coupled with Spanish classes at the University of Central America, equals a very very hectic schedule.  I was also trying to switch my blog over to a wordpress account, because their designs are much better than here at blogspot.  But when I created a new account, it was all in Spanish.. which makes things quite difficult for me.  So I might be transitioning to wordpress soon, but if I do, I'll let y'all know where to find me. 

But anyways, back to life in El Salvador.  I’ve lived here for a little over a month now.  And I’m going to be honest, these past couple of weeks have been tough.  It’s started to set in that I won’t be at home with all of my American comforts, such as, a dryer, AC, loved ones, and privacy for another 7 months.  I’ve started longing for my family so much that I dream of them at night.  I miss watching TLC shows and eating ice cream with my mom.  I miss driving my little brother to church and hearing about what he’s reading in the bible.  I miss talking to my dad about my dreams for the future.  This is hard.  This is so hard.  I miss my home.

But every time I think I can’t bear the heartache any longer, the Lord reminds me of His sovereignty.  He reminds me of how He provided all I needed and more to get here.  He reminds me of how He gripped my heart for missions in a way that I couldn’t explain.  He reminds me of the people He put in my life to point me to this program. All in all, He reminds me that He has called me here, to El Salvador, and that He is going to use this time to stretch my faith and deepen my dependency on Him.

He has stripped me of everything I’ve known.  He has made me empty.  I read earlier this week that we cannot learn to eat if we are never hungry.  And I firmly believe that that’s what the Lord is doing.  He’s taking away everything that I used to nibble on, that would spoil my appetite for Him.  He is starving me so I can truly feast on His presence and word.  Oh what a wonderful, painful, confusing thing!

I’m not going to pretend that I’ve handled this with a constant spirit of grace and dignity.  Some mornings when I wake up at 5 and have to jump in a freezing cold shower (because hot water is a luxury here), I think to myself “okay, I’m finished growing. I’m ready to go back to America, to my hot water.”  But praise God, that’s not an option.

I’ve been memorizing James and the Lord continually brings to mind James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

As hard as it is being here, I know that it is essential to my sanctification (sanctify means to purify or make holy).  The Lord is using each of these trials to chisel away my flesh, so that I can become holy and Christlike.  So praise God for my insane schedule, cold showers, smelly clothes, and this crazy country.  These are His tools that He is using to make me more like Him.  

And reader, you don't have to be in El Salvador to grow.  Every trial you face is an oppurtunity for you to become more holy.  I don't know what you are going through right now, but please remember that times of growth don't come from being comfortable.   Our faith is stretched the most when things get hard.  For instance, when a child begins to walk, it's not easy for them.  They are continually tripping over their little feet and falling.  But if they were to just plop down on their bottoms and refuse to walk, because it's tough, that's how they would remain: sitting, complacent, never growing.  Friend, trials are essential for a follower of Christ.  So please don't run away when meet one.  Press into Jesus.  Dig into the word and allow Him to shape you. 

He is Victorious!

So this past week, I was sitting at the dinner table with my team and I felt the Lord calling me to Himself.  And just so you know, when you feel the Lord calling you away, you IMMEDIATELY go, because that means something amazing is going to happen (that's a whole other blog post in itself)! So anyways, I grabbed my bible, music, and noise canceling headphones and climbed onto the roof.  At this point it's dark outside and I'm looking out at San Salvador.  During the day you can see the volcano, but at that hour, all I could see were the lights from the houses making their way towards the skies and eventually fading into the clouds.  It was truly beautiful.  The breeze was playing on my skin causing little goose bumps to spring up all over my body.  I put on my headphones, turned on some worship music, and opened up my bible. I flipped to Mathew 28 which is about the resurrection of Jesus.

Stop here.  Open your bible.  And Read Mathew 28.

   
 Friend, I have read this passage countless times, but these words seemed to be speaking directly to my heart.  As my soul feasted on the words, I was filled with a supernatural passion that only God can give.  I read about my sweet Lord, who was brutally murdered for me, rising from the grave.  I read how the Angel told the women that Jesus had risen, and how Jesus met them as they were running to tell the others.  I read how upon seeing Jesus, the women fell to His feet and worshipped.    I read about how Jesus came before the disciples and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." 

 
I reread this chapter over and over again.  I was and still am, amazed at the power of our God.  Reader, our God, our Jesus, our Redeemer, our King crushed the enemy.  He defeated death.  When He rose again, he destroyed the powers of Hell for the rest of eternity.  Our God is victorious! 

 
I looked out over San Salvador, a city that is full of drugs, death, and despair, and realized that no matter how dark this city may be, Jesus has the power to drive out the enemy.  He is in control.  He can redeem this city!  No matter how strong the enemy may seem, he has already lost.  Friend, Jesus won!  Hell stands no chance against our God!

I'm not just talking about in San Salvador.  I'm referring to your life as well.  No matter what your situation is, no matter what you're addicted to, no matter how strong the enemy seems, do not let him deceive you.  The enemy will tell you that there is no way out.  He will tell you that there is no hope. 

                                        But these are lies.  Jesus has already crushed him!

   
Hell is defeated because of Jesus's death on the cross and His resurrection.  What a King!  We belong to the Ultimate Victor.  And guess what.  That same power that defeated Hell, is inside of you if you have given your life to the Lord.  Can you imagine? The power the has destroyed death is in you, believer!

 This truth is what I will press into.  This is why I go when the Lord calls me to these places filled with darkness.  Living inside of me is the power that makes Hell flee.  This is why I will go where ever the Lord calls me. 

Note:  If you're anything like me, you are going to want to sing praises to our God after reading Mathew 28... So here are a couple of my favorite worship songs: He is Jesus by Seth Condrey; Worthy Worthy by Vertical Church Band.  Enjoy!

    

Choosing Jesus

     Hello again everyone!  So something that the Lord has really been teaching me these past couple weeks is the importance of choosing Him.  To be completely honest, I had this idea that when I got over here my relationship with Jesus would magically become so intimate and sweet.  And while I have definitely experienced a stronger dependence on the Lord, I still have to choose Jesus.
    You see, since I arrived in El Salvador, I have felt the Lord drawing me to Himself constantly, which is so amazing!  I'm so hungry for Him.  I'm desperate for Him to fill and satisfy me when I'm drained.  But reader, just as the Lord is working in my heart to draw me closer to Himself, there is also an enemy that is doing everything to drag me away from my Savior.  He tells me lies and offers other things to quench the longing in my soul.  He wants me to think that I'm not actually desiring the Lord, but instead a great cup of coffee, a peaceful song, or the praise of man.  And I'm not going to lie, I so often believe this and in turn, act accordingly.  I forsake more time with my King and choose to use that time to seek satisfaction in other things. But guess what! None of these things satisfy me.
    There is only one thing that will revive me, and that is Jesus.  It will always only be Jesus.  Friend, you will be told lies.  You will be offered alternative satisfaction in worldly things.  These things may not even be necessarily bad such as, love, time with friends, or charity work.  But when you believe that these things are able to sustain you, look out!  You have been deceived.
    I truly cannot say it enough.  Jesus is the only answer to that hunger and longing you feel deep in your soul.  No person, drink, social status will ever be able to satisfy you. Ever.  We are designed to long for Jesus, but the enemy has succeeded in making us believe that we can substitute other things. Don't believe the lies.
    "But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.  The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (Mathew 4:14)
    I will choose Jesus when I am empty.  I will not believe the lies that a makeover, a man, or a cappuccino will satisfy me.  Because trust me, they will not.  I will choose to run to my savior when I feel that longing deep in my soul.  Oh reader, choose Him too!  He is so good, and holy, and loving!  Run to Him; you will not be disappointed!

Let's Talk About Prayer!

Hey everyone!
      So this is my third day in El Salvador, and I'm going to be honest, it's pretty overwhelming.  As soon as we arrived I was surrounded by new smells, sights, and people.  It was hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that this would be my new home.  It was nothing like the clean modern streets of America that I was used to.
     When we arrived at the Global Year House, we were surprised with new paint for our bedrooms, which was great because it made the room feel like our's.  My roommates (Brooke, Lane, Emma) and I stayed up late into the night painting, unpacking, and putting up pictures.  As I hung the pictures on my wall, each one seemed to tug at my heart.  I miss home.  I miss my family and friends. I miss being able to pour out my thoughts and feelings to those who know me best.  But that's where the Lord corrected me.
     No one knows me better than the Lord.  Psalms 139 verses 15 and 16 say, "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." And no one loves me like the Lord.. "But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting to those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children (Psalms 103:17)."
   As the Lord reminded me of these truths, I began to pour out my thoughts and feelings to Him.  I told Him how I missed my house and the people I love.  I told Him how I can't imagine this place ever being home.  And I told Him that I just wanted to look pretty, because due to the lack of AC in the house, my hair has been resembling a stretched out cotton ball. Not cute.
    And as I laid each burden at His feet, it was like taking off a winter jacket.  I felt lighter.  I didn't feel as weighed down by my heart ache.  Do I still miss home? Yes.  Did my hair all the sudden look good? Nope.  But I knew that I had just entrusted my worries with a mighty mighty God, a God that can not be conquered.  A God that is able and wants to hold my heart.
    It astounds me that I'm even able to come before such a God.  Friend, we are not worthy of a relationship with Jesus, but He wants to know us!  He desires a relationship with us so much that He, our perfect savior, died a shameful ugly death so we could come before Him.  What love can compare?
    I don't know about you, but I will not forsake the opportunity to come before the King of this universe, the King that loves you and I, and pour my heart out to Him.  He wants us to.  Jesus says in Mathew 11:28 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  So I will come to the foot of the cross and trust that He will pour His peace over me.  I pray that you, reader, will do the same.  There is nothing too heavy, complicated, or shameful for our God.

And so it begins...

    Okay, so if you are reading this I want to start by thanking you for following along with me on my journey.  But secondly, please know that most of my other posts will be much more structured than this.  At this moment, I am sitting in the Atlanta Airport, and I will board my flight to El Salvador in approximately 30 minutes.  Once I'm there, I won't have wifi again until Saturday morning, so I just wanted to update everyone real quick.  So please excuse any grammatical errors or just plain old choppy writing.
     My adventure officially began on Tuesday morning, when I met my whole team in person for the first time.  After that, we went to a church camp owned by one of the team member's family.  The last couple of days have been spent doing team building exercises, worshipping together, and just getting to know the people I will be spending the next nine months with.  It's crazy to think that people who were just recently strangers will become like family very very soon.
    But anyways, last night I was sitting on the front porch of our cabin and just felt overwhelmed by the fact that it would be my last night in the States.  At that moment, anxiety began to creep in. I began to think about how I'm going to be a foreigner.  The people around me won't speak my language.  I'm going to live without AC and warm water.  And I'm leaving the people that I have loved my entire life and a place that has always been home.  As each of these thoughts crossed my mind, anxiety flooded into my heart.  Right before I went into a full-fledged panic attack, I felt the Lord calling me into His Word.  So I went to where I had left off that morning: Mathew 19.  And the Lord filled me with a peace that only He can bring.
     I read about the rich young ruler and how he could not meet the requirement to follow Jesus.  You see, Jesus requires it all, and so often, we feel that we just have too much to lose.  We couldn't possibly walk away from everything that we have or know.  Even the disciples were intimidated by this requirement.  But Jesus leaves his followers with a promise.  Jesus whispered truth to me last night.  He says, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." (Mathew 19:29)
    I know Jesus has called me to this, and I know I'm giving up a lot.  But I know He is so much better!  I know He is sufficient for me!  And I know that He loves and cares for me more than anyone else, and that He has the best plan for my life!